Thinking to Start a New Serious Relationship

Last night, I’ve been thinking if I do ready to start a new serious relationship. I mean “serious relationship”. I stressed that words because there are some relationships that I had for the five years since the last time I had a serious relationship with my ex, and those relationships were just a kind of flirting shit. To make it clear not a shit that I fucked men. No. Please, not that one I meant. It was just something like chatting or flirting a guy but didn’t come to the point that I fucked him up. Perhaps, I should say of not giving my heart to anyone.

See. I am already twenty-eight years on this earth and I am running out of time. An envy feeling when you see your friends marrying and you just become a bridesmaid in their weddings. That you have just become a godmother of their children. It’s a pretty hypocrite reaction if I do say that I don’t want to become like them. To become a wife or a mother too, like them.

I am not saying that I wanted to become a wife or a mother for the sake of envy. To have your own family is more than like winning a lottery for me. More than that, because it’s a kind of blessed gift. Not everyone is successful in that matter, though, but it’s still a blessing.

Thus, going back to what I mentioned earlier, I am thinking to give a chance to invest my heart for the second time in a guy. It’s been already five years since I was very tough. Being very selfish or coward to try to start or to commit again. I don’t understand how my body or emotional or psychological part shields every time I feel a guy showing interest to me. I automatically lost interest to him. I become overly self-protected. And I think at this time, I should unshielded myself. I must have a courage. Lot’s of courage to face the consequences that may happen in every relationship.

Sigh. Please do say good luck to me.